I was sent a pretty fun character background and got permission to post it here. I am using parts of this in the game - in fact, the Marshall is coming up from Texas. Not looking for Hewiggans - he is on the trail of another bad guy. But they may meet up...wonder if he is still limping? And there are a few other elements I need pull out I think as I re-read it prior to posting.
"Hambone" Hewiggins- Christian Name (I am not!): Delbert Bartholomew Hewiggins
Son of Pinkie and Mama Jess Hewiggins of Clearwater, Tennessee (both parents deceased)
Well here ya go, Cousins. My tale......
I am 61 years old in this present year of........"JACK! WHAT YEAR IS IT?" (dramatic pause) Well, Jack don't know the year and he don't care so why should I?
I am a widower of my beloved, who I will get to later. Just shut up and listen, will ya?
I got me a son and a daughter from my beloved. Her name was Sara Anne Hewiggins but that has changed. She married a big shit banker and moved to Austin, Texas. I am not allowed in Austin, Texas for two, maybe three reasons. One of them is that my daughter's new husband don't allow me to see her and won't allow her to come see me up here in the Territories. See, my daughter married an ugly sumbitch and he's homely as the ass end of a Bronto with the scares. He's just a ugly man, inside and out. What she sees in a man that ugly I will never know, but he's got money. I reckon that makes love tolerable. Money......
Anyhow this sumbitch has the unfortunate last name of Poppadouplous or some such nonsense. I can't even spell his last name most of the time so I just refer to him is "sumbitch", or "butt face". He's foreign, like from Spain or Greece of some other country over there on the other side of the ocean where they have relations with goats and emus and stuff like that. Unnatural it is.
Reason Two why I can't go to Austin, Texas. I blew up a shithouse behind Thompson's General Store on Massey Street. It weren't for no meaness and I didn't mean no harm. I was just trying to scare a Texas Ranger who stole my damned rock candy. I put a little too much black powder in a watermelon and blowed his ass, and his lizard, through the back side of the general store. Mr. Thompson called the law on me but me and Jack was high in the weeds by the time their dinos hit the scrub. We is good at runnin' to fight another day. I do hate that I hurt his lizard. Poor old feller was in traction fer six weeks before he could put weight on his drumstick. I ain't sure what happened to that ranger, but I am sure that Ranger Eugene Martell has it out for me. I hadn't been back since.
Ok Iied........The Reason Number Three Why I ain't Allowed in Austin, Texas is as follows. I punched ol' buttface in the mouth when he snapped his damned French cuss words at my daughter. I knocked his front teeth out and now I haven't been back to Austin, Texas. I shoulda not done that, but its water under the bridge now.
My Son is named Festus Eugene Hewiggins. He works as a Railroad Foreman in San Francisco, California. I ain't been to visit because my daughter told him about me blowing up the shitter and knockin' that sumbitch she's married to's teeth out. California is a long ride and Jack wouldn't be able to walk if we road our dinos that far.
I sometimes get me a letter or a telegraph message from Eugene and I miss my boy pretty bad. My beloved would be very proud of him and I am too. He is doing very well from his last letter, which my fried Molly Slade delivered to me on that goddamned flying monster she rides. Damn thing gives me the willikers and I have to go pee every time I see the critter. It just looks at Puddin like it wants to eat her but I tell you, he don't want none of Puddin. She's 100% hide and armor plates, and I love that damned beast.
Anyways, Eugene married him a little yeller woman, from the Chinas. I reckon she's good to him and he talks about her fondly. I got three Grandyounguns, named Effie, Abner and the youngest, Minnie (same name as my beloved). I want to see the little fellers one of these days I hope. Maybe when it gets colder I can talk Jack into catching one of them trains west. I doubt it but I'm gonna see if he wants to go.
I carry a picture of my wife, Minnie in a locket she left to me after she died of the consumption. The locket is on a chain around my neck. It shares a chain with a carved Rex tooth, a dried bison testicle (Pawnee medicine pouch), four Apache teeth from them what I dentisted up, and a gold doubloon I found on the beach near New Orleans when I was shootin' revenuers what done blowed up my favorite corn squeezins still. Her name was Gladys and she was the best still I ever built. I miss her almost as much as Minnie.
Minnie has been gone for seventeen or so years and I really am still heartbroken. She is the mother to my two children and the only woman I ever loved. It's just whores fer me now. Sad......
My Past
I fought the U.S. Cavalry in their war against the Pawnee over in Black Canyon. They decided they was gonna tell the Pawnee where to live and move them to some shitass land in the middle of nowhere. The Pawnee said "hell no" and the shootin began. That was eight years ago. If the Gov'ment knew how many of my fellow paleface idiots I done killed, I'd be hanging from a tree somewheres. I met a rouster of a feller during them years, name of Jack Looking-Horse. Yeah, we're best chums I tell ya. He's an injun and a real good one. He taught me how to catch the little lizards and train em up so we can make some trade and a little money. Me and Puddin, my Ankylosaur been on the road together for about ten years and nearly that long with Jack. He's a good injun, but the bestest friend I done ever had.
Lately we've been working and camping. I am a barber and dentist ya see. I fix them what's sick out in the frontier. Bad teeth, haircuts, broken bones fixed, ingrown toenails, I just about do it all. Last Tuesday I delivered an Apache squaw's baby in the creek over by Needle Point. She give us a sack of blue corn and some fox pelts. I think she wanted to give Jack some other stuff but I believe her parts weren't in no fit state to be used that away.
Oh, our new friend is a lovely little old gal called Molly Slade. She trades with us and is a rider for the Paleo Express I think she says. She trades with us and throws us a little business from time to time and we do the same. She's a good gal and we ain't about to let nothin happen to her, if'n we can help it.
Did I mention the Civil War? Oh yeah, that. When I was a younger man I got drafted but it didn't take, and then the Union tried to do it too! I set up shop with some fellers and we called ourselves the Harriers. It's some kind of damned bird according to them well read fellers but I don't know. Might be its a word that describes some kind of shitty assed pie up north or something. I don't know,
Well the Harriers, we shot anybody who crossed the Mississippi, west of Memphis. We was real good at it too. Sunk their boats, lit up their barges, and killed em off by the droves. We warned em first, of course but they kept at it so we did too. We let the Pawnee and other tribes know where they was crossing too so they could go hide. Both sides hated the injuns, and on that they agreed, so we agreed to kill blue and gray. Worked for us and it kept the math down to a minimum. We became heroes to the injuns and they took good care of us.
Before we wrapped up and the Harriers went our separate ways we fought the U.S. Cavalry at Two Forks, with the Pawnee. We kilt ever last one of them and supplied the Pawnee with really good Cavalry blankets, them tins of beans and lots of guns and ammunition. It went real good. We gifted Chief Blue Eyes with the Cavalry's Gatlin Gun and he liked us a bunch more even than he did before. The last time me and Jack passed Two Forks, ol' Chief Blue Eyes' son, Che'Lote remembered what his dad told him about us and he gave us some bison hides cause it was fixin to get cold. He also give us some salt pork and eight pounds of stolen U.S. Army tobacco. He also gived us a spinner toy on two strings that when you flip it and spin its a big titty woman who takes off her blouse! Good trade says I.
I reckon the frontier barberin and doctoratin' is getting thin. I ain't had no business for a few weeks and we might need to find Aurora and Molly Slade and see if we can drum up some business. There's some caves near Aurora that me and Jack can camp in, and they are big enough fer our critters, which will suit us just fine.
We ran into some injuns we ain't never seen before a couple of weeks back. They was saying that there was a Rex up in the box canyon near the August River. Them things are alright and just avoided until they decide to be an asshole. When that happens you gotta hunt em down and cull em, like a rogue wolf or a panther with the rabies. I hope they was wrong but I ain't knowed injuns as long as I have not to pay attention to them when they speak. Nobody likes a rogue Rex. They are too big and too dangerous to fool with. I will say though if you can get a posse or a hunting party what's good enough, they fry up in the pan or on the spit real good. Mighty good eatin!
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